Lisa M

Parents and Kids =============================================== =================================================== ===============================================

6 Acts of Kindness to Cheer Up Your Child By Anna Brink....IMOM.com Simple gestures of thoughtfulness and kindness can make all the difference in relationships. For ideas on what kind of things we can do to put smiles on our kids’ faces, try these 6 acts of kindness to cheer up your child. 1. Hugs and Encouragement There is a wise saying that says, “When hugging a child, always be the last one to let go. You never know how long they need it.” Giving your children hugs is the simplest thing in the world and more valuable than all the money you have in the bank. 2. Random Texts Communication with children, especially teenagers, can be a tough barrier to crack sometimes. Send your daughter random texts on occasion just to say how proud you are of them and that they are loved. Though it’s possible they will think it annoying, they will absorb it right into their hearts. 3. Fun Surprises. For no reason at all, surprise your children.. Life can’t always be totally scripted. These are the moments that usually turn into the best and longest lasting memories. 4. Give Compliments. Parents have to spend a good amount of time correcting our children. “No” is a word heard quite often in the home of a typical family. Be sure to balance that discipline with deserved compliments often and lovingly. 5. One-on-One Time. Amongst the chaos of family life, it can be difficult for a teen to get individual time alone with you. This is highly important and should be made a priority. Nothing shrinks our big world down to their size better than one-on-one time alone. 6. Listen to Them. We are surrounded by distractions. Our children need us to hear them. Are we truly listening? It’s our honor and duty to sit there and give it our sincere best. To her, it means the world.

Mistakes Parents Make with Teens By Kathryn Streeter Washington Post Do you speak to your teens as if they are still little kids? Parenting must change if you wish to keep your relationships strong. This includes not only the content but also the tone of conversation. You need to treat them more like adults than children. Truly listen and heed their point of view, even if you disagree vehemently. We all want our point of view respected, and your teen is no different. Are you treating conversation with them as if it’s a chore or obligation? If you are, your teens know it, and it hurts. Teens sniff out adults who pander to them and suffer through conversation. Conversations also shouldn’t center on lecturing. The lion’s share of the discussion has got to be connecting, talking, laughing and sharing. Conversations should be being present for your child, talking with them, noticing things and encouraging them. Intentional, proactive engagement in our teens’ lives is more important than ever. Do you multitask while listening to them? When you’re multitasking while your teens are talking to you, it’s communicating that they don’t warrant your full attention. Put down your cellphone, computer, laundry or whatever pressing matters you have, because nothing is more important than hearing out your teenager when she wants to talk about matters that are important to her. Do you interrupt them? In parents’ desperation to relate to their teens, remarks and reactions may easily come out forced and unnatural. Relax. Showing respect and kindness toward your teen is as essential as it would be toward a friend. Do you press them into activities of your choosing? Or do you give them permission to pursue their passions. This is the time when adolescents question: ‘What do I want to do? What do I want to be?’ Offering space and support for this exploration allows for a healthy identity to grow. When that space is not offered, an adolescent’s identity may not have the room to fully develop. Instead of mirroring your own hopes and dreams, let your teens take responsibility for their own pursuits.

How Do You Deal With a Selfish Friend? By Beverly Jenkins If you've ever had a friend that seemed to take more from the friendship than give, you can relate to the term "selfish friend." A selfish friend is one that has made things all about them most of the time, which means you spend too much time, attention, energy, and probably, money, on their needs. How Can You Tell If Your Friend Is Selfish? Selfishness isn't always an obvious thing to spot in a friend. At first, this person might seem like they are very interested in you. Perhaps they ask you questions but before you can really answer they talk about their own life instead. Or maybe they go out of their way to ask how you are, but then turn the conversation to something they need right now instead. It's nearly impossible to determine the selfishness in a friend until you've known them for a while and have seen them in a variety of situations. After all, we've all got our quirks and we can all be selfish at times. Friendship, like any relationship, isn't always an equal division in who "takes." To be labeled a selfish friend, they take much more of the time and give much less of the time. Telling a Friend About Their Selfishness The irony of selfish friends is that if you tell them you feel they are acting selfishly, they will either be shocked, offended that you suggested such a thing, or not care at all. If someone lacks the self-awareness to notice how they treat people, then you telling them might just cause an argument between the two of you rather than resolve this imbalance in your relationship. Having said that, you owe it to yourself and the relationship to relay your concerns, but be careful. If you start randomly accusing them of things without examples you'll be the one behaving selfishly. Instead, be prepared with reasons why you feel your friend has acted selfishly. Focus on specific times and why this is bad for your friendship. Examples: "When I told you I was really lonely and asked if I could see you, you laughed at me. I needed company and I'm there when you want to do something. This was an important moment and I felt that you weren't concerned about my feelings." "I have listened patiently when you complained about your boyfriend, but now that I'm having problems you don't seem to care. Yesterday when I told you how I was feeling you just told me to get over it." "You call me all the time when you want something and I'm happy to help. But today when I asked you for a favor you blew me off. I've come to realize this instance happens more often than not." Also, before you speak with a friend about being selfish, determine your intentions. Do you want to work through things or end the friendship? If you just want to end the friendship, you can do that without getting dramatic. A part of you might want to yell and tell the person how selfish they are, but instead, keep your composure and calmly tell them how you feel, even if you know this is the end of your association. This approach will have a much greater impact on a selfish person than hysterics or mean behavior. Don't Try to Change a Selfish Friend There might be times when you question your friend's loyalty or attitude. The most common question people ask themselves when they realize their friend is selfish is: "Why am I friends with this person?" After all, no one likes to feel that they are being taken advantage of. Don't be too hard on yourself. In order to be friends with a variety of people, you're going to come in contact with people who are selfish. It's a fact of life that you'll deal with selfishness at some point. While you should definitely discuss your concerns about their selfishness, never assume that you'll change them. People will change when and if they want to, and while you can tell them how they make you feel, you can't always expect them to turn into another (more caring) person. Some people are who they are.

Thank you. But the real credit goes to Holly Ashworth, who wrote it. "Holly is the editor, content director and lead writer of eSPIN.com, a teen social gaming site. Before that, she led arts workshops in public high schools and wrote teen and tween advice for BrainPOP.com. Her writing has appeared in numerous publications, both online and off, including CosmoGirl! Magazine, MisQuinceMag, Ypulse and Whateverlife." With people watching, I always forget that when I'm walking in town, the people watchers are watching me.

What to Talk About With a New Guy by Holly Ashworth So you're having trouble knowing what to talk about. Don't worry: He's probably just as nervous about this whole thing as you are. Here's some pointers, and chances are good that you'll start some great conversations that give rise to still more. It's worth the effort: Communication is a key to a great relationship. It's OK to Let the Conversations Drop Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to keep a conversation going all the time. After a while, you don't have to talk multiple times per day; if you do, you'll run out of things to talk about pretty quickly. If you're feeling pressure to come up with topics, relax and share the silence. Conversation is only one method of communication among many. Give Each Other a Little Space Take breaks from each other so that when you meet up again, you're excited to see each other and have lots of things to share. Allow some space for other aspects of your life; they can be the source of more conversation later and provide some interesting new topics. Remember: To be interesting to someone, you have to be interested in other things that you can share. Ideas for starting a Conversation Maybe the problem is just that you and your boyfriend are just plain shy, and you really do need some conversation prompts. In that case, here are some ideas: If he tells you about a future event in his life, make a mental note to ask him about it later. Don't wait for him to tell you. Ask him about it yourself! That shows you're interested in his life and the things that matter to him. If he ever says something that sounds interesting, don't let it hang. Ask him some follow-up questions to keep the conversation going. The same goes for when he says something unclear or confusing. One of the great things about relationships is the chance to learn from each other. Don't walk away confused; ask him questions so you really understand what he's saying. Go to see a movie (or watch one at home) and discuss what you liked and didn't like about it. Buy a newspaper or magazine and read it together. Find some controversial articles and have a debate. Go to the park, the mall, or another public place and people-watch. Make up names for and stories about the people you see. You might be surprised at just how fun this is and the conversation it can spark.

And then there are friends that you thought were friends. I think those are people who go from one person to the next, looking for anyone that they believe is going to make themselves look better. Likes others who have more money, or maybe those who are more popular. Then gossip behind your back. I've had some of those in my life. It breaks your heart until you come to your senses and realize they were never a friend at all. Heck with them.....

About pressure. You had two boyfriends that became serious relationships . You think they pressured you, but wasn't the pressure on them too? Having no boyfriend at that time was better for you because it probably took the pressure off everyone. Are you friends with them now?

You're right in what you're saying. But it wasn't the case here. The girl I'm talking about wanted commitment. And from both of the boys. She wanted to go steady with both and thought she would have them both to herself. So I think the boys had the right to ask although I also feel they humiliated themselves. They should have told her no way from the start. This was never a case of dating different boys, which is fine. She wanted it all by having commitment from two guys. Awfully self-centered in my opinion. If she wants to date different guys, she's going to have to forget about commitments from them or there's going to be trouble down the road.

My friend has a teen age daughter who was dating two boys and insisted she was in love with both. That's possible, but not in the sense of true love in my opinion. What happened was that she thought she was the happiest girl in the world. After a couple months of going out with one on a weekend and the other on the next weekend, back and forth, both boys eventually told her to choose. She couldn't and they both told her goodbye. She's been in semi-shock the last few weeks and depressed. Her mom told her that's what happens when you juggle boyfriends. I don't think it's rare but I think eventually it's going to lead to problems when dating. Any thoughts on this?

Why It’s Important to Have Friends By Jean Thompson As a teenager, it’s so essential to have a few really good friends (or maybe just one or two even). Someone who can accept you for who you really are. Someone who will not judge you. Someone who will be there for you. Being a teenager can be really difficult. You need someone who will always have your back. Having a great friend is a truly amazing thing. Someone you can make playlists for. Someone you can sit around and have coffee with and just talk for hours. Someone who understands what you are going through and is going through some of the same things. Someone you can always rely on. While it’s good to have friends who are like you, don’t let anyone tell you that you cannot have platonic friends of the opposite sex. It’s also really nice to have friends who have a slightly different experience than you do, whether that means they are of a different ethnicity or sexual orientation or they are disabled or from a different cultural background. Friends are great for doing things together, but friends are also great for teaching each other a little bit about their own lives and helping each other to grow into stronger people. If you are a shy person and talking to people can be difficult, you should try and push yourself outside of your comfort zone enough to get to know people who seem nice to you. I guarantee you that you will not regret it when you make a good friend. Then you can have someone to go to the movies with or someone to sit with at lunch, someone to laugh with or dance with, someone to try new things with, someone to talk to when you are going through difficult things. There are many different types of love. Good friends are like family, and the more love we all have in our lives, the better. This is why it can be so essential to make new friends. So if there’s someone who seems interesting in your Chemistry class and you’ve been meaning to ask her to hang out sometime, you should go for it. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

How to Tell Your Parents You Have a Boyfriend by Stacey Laura Lloyd. LiveAbout While you may be over-the-moon about your boyfriend and want to shout his name from the rooftops, telling your parents about your new beau can be a bit more complicated. Especially if It's not always easy to talk to your parents about your love life, and depending on the type of relationship that you have with them in general and their thoughts and opinions about dating, telling your parents about your bf can seem like a difficult, uncomfortable and awkward task. Fortunately, there are ways that you can make this conversation run far more smoothly and end far more successfully. 1. Pick the Right Time Timing is everything when it comes to telling your parents that you have a boyfriend. Rather than choosing a time when they're running around the house, stressed or upset, it's truly to your benefit to pick a moment when they're in a good state of mind, relaxed and not in any rush. Definitely not If your dad or mom comes home in a bad mood after a hard day at work. 2. Choose the Right Place Selecting the right place to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend is also critical. Telling your parents at the supermarket, in the middle of the mall, or at any other crowded venue isn't going to work in your favor. By choosing a private place that's free from distractions and interruptions, you're doing everyone a huge favor. Select a locale that allows you all to talk openly and share your thoughts. 3. Go Face to Face When you're going to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, it's important that you tell them in person. While you may be used to communicating via text, email, or phone, telling your parents that you have a boyfriend is a conversation that merits actual face time. They may have many different questions and thoughts about this person and the situation in general, and they won't be able to articulate this as clearly or have a real dialogue with you if you're not sitting with them in the moment. In addition, talking about your boyfriend in person enables them to see just how excited you are about him, and your positive attitude regarding your new boyfriend can speak volumes. 4. Decide if It's Better to Tell Them Separately or Together When you're ready to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, it's up to you to determine if it's better to tell them separately or when they're together. Since you understand the nature of your relationship with each of your parents better than anyone, this is really for you to decide. If you think that telling your mom first and then telling your dad later will be a better approach since you'll likely already have your mom as an ally, then this is the best method for you. 5. Be Ready to Gush About Your Boyfriend Before you finally sit down to tell your parents about your boyfriend, you should prepare ahead of time what you'd like to say. That means being ready to answer any potential questions that they may have about him, as well as being able to share what makes your boyfriend the greatest guy on the planet. Having a clear idea about what you're going to say before the conversation even takes place, you'll be better able to articulate what it is about him that makes him so special.